'Jupiter Ascending' - Movie Review

"Jupiter Ascending" is the latest movie from Lana and Andy Wachowski. It tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), a young woman of Russian descent who lives in the U.S. and cleans houses with her extended family. But we are soon to find out that she's re-incarnated off-planet royalty (they use a pseudo-scientific explanation, but it's essentially re-incarnation) - and her coming to the attention of the off-worlders ignites a rather nasty squabble between three incredibly powerful siblings. And it's all very sordid because, while the aliens are actually human, they're going to "harvest" Earth (ie. kill everyone on it) to create a youth serum for themselves. Jupiter is defended, repeatedly, by a part-wolf bounty hunter (Channing Tatum) who was initially sent to retrieve her.

As silly as that sounds, worse plot outlines have produced better movies (outline the plot of "Star Wars" or "The Empire Strikes Back" in your head and tell me they don't sound silly). But a plot that's both plodding and twisty and depressingly weak dialogue (and less than stellar acting) has left us with something that looks fantastic (a huge chunk of the budget clearly went to the superb special effects) and averages about a groan a minute. I kind of enjoyed the campiness, but unless you really enjoy crap movies I'd recommend you stay away.